Andrew Johnson | Dean
20th October, 2025
Influencing other people effectively is, perhaps, the single most important skill you will ever develop. It is your principle tool for navigating your entire life, both personally and professionally. You use it virtually every moment of every day, consciously andunconsciously, and you use it on yourself, as well as on other people.
There are three key principles of influence:
- Everybody is a target
- Every contact leaves a trace
- Consistency confers credibility
Let us look at each one of these in turn.
Everybody is a target
We want to influence everybody we meet, quite literally. We want to influence our friends so that they think we are a good person to be around, so that they trust us, and choose to share their time and thoughts with us. We want to influence our colleagues so that they think we are a great team member and choose to be cooperative, collaborative, and supportive. We want to influence our manager to think of us as a great employee, worthy of a pay rise and promotion. We may wish to influence a stranger to prompt them to initiate an interaction with us because we are romantically attracted to them, and of course, sometimes we want to influence people to steer clear of us because we think they might be a threat, or because we simply don’t like being around them. We may also want to influence ourselves. What about that new fitness regime I was going to start? What about motivating myself to get out there and start a new career?
The simple truth is, we are always trying to influence somebody in some way. To some degree, we do this naturally, using behaviours we learned as a child. However, if we want to truly empower ourselves, we need to consciously understand who we wish to influence and why, in order to do it effectively. Understanding our ‘target’ will help us decide what influence tools we are going to use to achieve our intended aim.
Quite often, we drift through life, unaware that we are influencing people by default. Without becoming paranoid, it is important to understand that whenever we interact with another human being, we are being judged, often subconsciously by other people. We do the same to others. Again, it may well be subconsciously, but every time we interact with someone, or even just pass them in the street, our mind is automatically assessing who they are, what threat level they constitute, and any number of other judgements.
Once you understand this basic truth, you can start to assess other people with more deliberate analysis, and likewise, you can put on a show for them in order to convey whatever message you wish.
Every contact leaves a trace
This brings us neatly onto the next principle. This principle is also the underpinning principle of forensic science. Just as two physical objects will leave a trace of each other when they come into contact (such as fingerprints on a desk top, and bacteria from the desktop on your fingers) the same happens psychologically when two humans interact. The nature, and in particular the intensity of the interaction, will often dictate what kind of trace is left, and some traces (memories) last longer than others. You may just pass somebody at the bus-stop who is wearing a nondescript outfit, but you briefly catch their eye. Later that day, quite randomly, you will remember them and that brief moment of eye contact. But then the memory will fade and probably never return. On the other hand, if you stop and talk with them, or if they are dressed in a distinctive style, the memory of that interaction may last for a few days, weeks, months, maybe even a lifetime.
In general, the longer the interaction, and the more intense, then the longer the memory lasts. If you interact with an individual on multiple occasions, over an extended period, those memories start to build up a consistent picture of you in the other person’s mind. They start to have firm opinions about who you are as a person. Are you pleasant or unpleasant? Can you be trusted or not? Are you knowledgeable or vacant? Does this person have good ideas that I should listen to, or do they talk nonsense? These are the sorts of judgements they will start to make about you.
It is up to you to decide what trace you leave with the other person. They will make a judgement about how you dress, not just what you say but how you say it (the tone, inference, etc), your level of emotional control, your standard of observation and memory, your body language (this is a whole topic worth researching in itself – non-verbal communication is extremely powerful).
In short, your words, actions, and physical image, will convey a message about you to the other person. Once you understand that, you can have fun with this, because you get to decide what message you portray. It is a common observation by men that when dealing with customer service agents, they often get very different responses depending on whether they are wearing a suit and tie, or a tracksuit and trainers. Security staff on door-duty often wear clothing that is quite tight, emphasising their physique. That is done for a reason; to deter potential trouble-makers. It is a quite deliberate attempt at influence. A person who can sit up straight, hold another person’s eye contact without staring, and smile naturally at a job interview, is likely to be regarded as confident and genial, whereas a person who slouches, crosses their legs and hands, and avoids eye contact, is likely to come across as nervous, awkward and out of place.
Think about the effect you wish to have on the other person, and use the appropriate tools of dress, speech, and conduct, to get your message across. Also consider the effect you have on yourself. Are you looking for that next step on the career ladder? Do you feel like you need more confidence or need to feel more motivated when working from home? Many self-employed people will get up every morning and dress smartly, including with a tie, even though they are working from home. This is because it allows them to ‘feel’ the part, and consequently it affects their mindset positively, driving them on to greater productivity.
Consistency confers credibility
Have you ever heard somebody described as “blowing hot and cold”? Maybe, when describing someone else, you’ve used a phrase like “I don’t know how to take them”, or “I can never read them”. These are the kinds of things we say when we are unsure about another person; when we are a little nervous about being around them, because their attitude or temper can vary, often wildly, from day-to-day, or sometimes even hour-to-hour. This occurs when somebody’s behaviour is inconsistent. The messages that they give us are mixed. One moment they are having a laugh with us, and are great company; the next minute they are gloomy and irritable, prone to snapping at us over the smallest thing. The reality is, none of us like being around those kinds of people. They make us feel unsettled, and we can never be sure about who they really are.
We like consistency. We prefer it when people clearly signal to us who they are. Therefore, if you’re trying to get somebody to trust you, you must demonstrate that you are worthy of that trust every time you interact with them. That way they will believe that this is your genuine status – trustworthy. Conversely, you may have cause to want to intimidate somebody. If you want them to be genuinely cautious around you, they need to believe that there is a dark side to you that they don’t want to get on the wrong side of.
None of this is about creating a façade; a false image of who you are. It is simply a case of being consistent in your behaviour, in order to get the response that you want from the other person. This is why people rarely get married on a first date; clearly the two individuals wish to make sure they have a consistent picture of the other person before committing themselves to a long-term relationship. Learning to achieve emotional balance, so that the messages you project are consistent, is critical when it comes to influencing other people. The more consistent you are, the more they will get your message.
A seminal truth
There are few absolute truths in this world, but where influence is concerned there is one that we should always remember…
People want to be around problem-solvers, not problem makers
If you are a cynical, pessimistic kind of person, who is always viewing the world as a ‘glass that’s half empty’, then I’m afraid you are not going to have a great many friends, and even less people who want to take a gamble on you as an employee or business partner. People have enough problems in their life already, and they don’t want to be around other people who will add to those problems. Rather, most of us want to be surrounded by helpful people, who will brighten our day and make our problems go away. If you make people feel like the world is better, brighter, or safer when you are around, you will always have willing friends and grateful managers and colleagues.
If you want to learn more about this topic, there is a classic book that I would recommend. ‘How to win friends and influence people’ by Dale Carnegie is almost a hundred years old now, and despite some of the period examples and case-studies he uses being a little dated, this book retains an essential truth about human behaviour and has stood the test of time. It is the kind of book you read more than once, because it so full of good advice.
Of course, the only way to get better at influencing is to get out there and practice. That is quite easy to do because the opportunities are there, every single hour of every single day, wherever there are people. So… get to it, and good luck!